Just A Dream

You know you have friends who understand you when you can rant off about something that they can't really relate to and they still listen to you.

As you guys probably know, I have always been a music junkie and I do pride myself in being able to play multiple instruments, although not very well.

Just like many other kids, I started my 'music journey' with piano. Contrary to most of them who quit because of stress of piano exams and loss of interest, I was actually very enthusiastic in this aspect. Looking at my standard of piano when I was really young, I was actually really really good and I'm not trying to be a show-off here. I still remember before my parents bought a real piano for I had to use this small keyboard which didn't even have all the 88 keys. So naturally I was ecstatic when I came home one day and I saw the piano there and of course I started practising like crazy.

Of course, it wasn't fated to last. When pop music started coming into my life and I started collecting pop music piano sheets, I started to find the usual piano and classical music really boring. And of course after that I could never put my heart into practising the pieces for piano exams so eventually I stopped at Grade 5, which is really stupid because that grade was a stepping stone away from the 'basics', as with for my music theory education.

I guess I wasn't persistent enough, which was foolish because if I had continued, I would have already gotten a diploma by now, qualified to teach.

Now whenever I touch the piano, I only find myself playing my renditions of pop music, it isn't a bad thing, but I feel my skills slowly going away.

My band life on the other hand, is slightly different. I can safely say that I have always been in top-notch condition for any instrument I held during the respective times, be it the Alto Horn, Trumpet and French Horn. Of course I struggled a little during Sec 1 when I first held the French Horn because after all, it is the most difficult brass instrument. But naturally I picked up really fast.

I have always found satisfaction playing instruments and playing in the band was no exception, especially when there are really nice melodies and crazy counter-melodies that French hornists always get. However I don't deny that I get sick of it sometimes. There were even a couple of times that I was sick of playing the guitar, or surprisingly, singing.

There is one thing that has never made me sick of doing it though, probably because I don't have much of an opportunity to do, but I really enjoy it as well. And that is conducting. I conducted my band once in Primary 4 for Speech Day and although I was quite intimidated, I thoroughly enjoyed it and the sense of satisfaction is just, wow. So from then on, whenever I had the chance to conduct, I'd immediately volunteer myself. Not that anyone else minded too.

And in Secondary School I was given the post Librarian but that didn't stop the band masters from putting me on the podium. Whenever the Student Conductor wasn't in, I'd be on there, and I'd be really happy.
There was once where the Sec 2s couldn't go for cohort camp and stayed in school for band practices instead (that's sad), and the Sec 4s were having truncated lessons. Whenever I had a break, the Sec 2s would be just starting practice and I'd head there every time offering to take warm ups and the bandmaster would gladly oblige.

Now (or a few months back) in Poly I'm just too scared to conduct although I had the authority to because there are far too many better players and more musical people than me. And that is really sad.

I have not played the French Horn for a considerable long time so I really hope I don't lose my skills because I'm slowly losing skill in everything else and the only thing of me that's improving is my singing and I feel like a piece of useless junk.

Not gonna lie, not a single day goes by without me imagining myself having a career in music and I still wanna be able to perform something that I like on stage. I truly love performing. I love the feeling of standing on stage and showing others what I can do but out of the countless times that I have been on stage I have never been able to perform something 'cool' and something that I really wanna show everyone (notably singing). And I would have joined competitions if I weren't so insecure about myself.

Up till now I still wonder if my decision to reject my dad's offer to send me to NAFA was right. Of course it would have been easier to fulfil my 'dream' if I was there but the competition there is crazy, and I would probably not be having as much fun as I am now. (I have this stereotype that established classical musicians are generally stuck up ._.)

On the bright side I would not have been able to meet this group of friends that are more precious to me than they can ever imagine, even if I don't show it, even if they annoy me sometimes, even if I get upset at them sometimes, but hey, no one said people who love you will never hurt you.

And the current Michy is one who has never been happier :)